Shock was the Word


That’s the word.

A very simple word but it took me a month and a WordPress’ daily post to actually figure out that that was the word and that there was a word for what I felt when the people on my class’ group chat started asking if it was confirmed or was just a rumor.


That was the word.

I was a casual fan but you were my favorite out of the five members. For me, you were the one that shined brighter than the rest, if that’s unfair of me, I don’t really care because this is for you and in a way for me too. Your voice stood out, even your height stood out. I liked you despite your flaws.


That was the word.



These are songs you wrote. Wearing the depression and pain bravely for everyone to see. You strove to take away the stigma. You fought for yourself and you’re fans.

You fought for me.


I never really read the translated lyrics of most of the songs I listened to, but after hearing what you did, I needed to see what they said and figure out what they meant on my own.


I almost immediately searched for all the shows you were on to see it for myself because it couldn’t have been real, but it was and you told people that maybe they never really wanted to see you; the real you. But I think most of us did and whenever  you were on the stage, singing, dancing, and performing, you showed us a side of you that was real even if it was through the songs you wrote and just the way you danced.


Will it get better if I hang on?

It was the one question that made me lose it. I didn’t know that I was going to cry because I was just a casual fan, but I lost it. I cried.

I have an answer to the question. It could’ve gotten better. It might’ve gotten better. But there’s no way to know that now. But one thing is for sure…

You did well.

You did excellent.

You were perfect.

Things could’ve been different if the circumstance was different but it happened. You are gone but your memory and you music will live on.

Goodbye Jjong.

You’re able to breathe now.

Breathe freely.

Watch over the four boys you left behind and us too.

Spread your loveliness in heaven. ♥♥

♥, notstargirl



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